You said you have been with her for 3 years. When did it start? Was she like this in the beginning and was masking it? Let's face it. It takes a certain kin of person to be able to deal with mental diseases be it panic attacks, depression, Alzheimer's,etc
Personally I couldn't handle your situation. It's a heavy financial burden and a heavy stress on any relationship especially if you are a 'broke' laowei like me. The cost of treatment is not cheap. If you have good insurance, maybe it's time to get married and put her on it. Not an easy situation.

@yankee
Thanks for the def on CBT. Um...perhaps for both definitions, but I probably could have lived forever without the second definition. I'm afraid to even ask and I'm consciously trying to forget I ever read that.

@mr_microphone
perhaps I should have quantified "all western meds are toxic". For mental illnesses, MOST prescribed meds are toxic. Taken under supervision for a limited time - they MAY be able to neutralize the alleged behavioral symptoms, allowing your loved one to get past episodes - but as with MOST drug-based therapies - they are palliative - they attack the symptoms and NOT the root cause - hence the rarity of mental illnesses being "curable". Palliative is symptomatic treatment. As the root cause is rarely addressed or resolved - your SO (Significant Other) will be attached to her pills to help her get past episodes. They will become her crutch and as the episodes begin to increase in frequency - as they usually do, her dependence on meds to "get her through" will increase. She'll require stronger and stronger (aka toxic) meds, then the physicians will switch to similar meds - basically they're screwing around with a very poorly understand science.

You'll also have to deal with finding a responsible care physician or physician group. Just like other professions, you'll also meet physicians in it for the cash - and they'll milk your pain for their profit. Beware of physician groups with their own pharmacy. Despite the best intentions - it's ethically obscene - hence the movement in China to separate hospitals from their built-in out-patient pharmacies.

Eventually - she'll be on med cocktails - uppers to get her up in the morning, downers to help her sleep - and all sorts of in-between meds to help her through the day. It's common when the patient becomes addicted to the meds and the meds become a crutch (an enabler), a dependency.

It's not always that way - but that's the risk of the traditional western meds path. TCM is a less toxic route - but the treatments take more time to kick in, as they're designed to balance the body - but I really don't know the effectiveness of TCM in treating mental or neural disorders, so I recommended a combination of gradual lifestyle change, coupled with responsible treatment. Psychology is generally behavioral modification-based therapy, although that line's blurred over the decades.

Even behavioral modification however comes with intrinsic risks - a lifestyle change can either benefit or be detrimental. There's really no way to know, as it's also not an exact science and most practitioners are guessing - difficult to understand this statement - but treating neural disorders is applying logic to the illogical. Perhaps a better way to understand this would be to compare it to the most common phobia - "fear of the dark". We can apply all sorts of logic - but once those lights go out and its dark again - that irrational, illogical, sometimes uncontrollable debilitating fear and panic switches on.

What is well known - is those emotionally attached to mentally unstable people become slaves to the behavior, as the cost of maintaining your relationship with your imprisoned one. It's a lifelong commitment, so choose carefully before you engage this path with her - nothing's worse then starting on a treatment path together, then abandoning her - better you should have done nothing.

And at the risk of being depressing - you should understand this is a road with no end. Maybe she'll miraculously become cured - but you should be prepared and committed for the long-haul, a life-long commitment of care.

It is truly a masochistic lifestyle and one I would not care to pursue. I hope your love is an infinite well - because you will need to tap into it infinitely. Three years of relationship with this woman - you are infinitely more compassionate than I. If heaven had reserved seats - I'd be obligated to give mine up for you.

So best advice I could give you - besides be personally prepared for a lifetime addicted to her illness - seek out a reputable, caring, responsible physcians' GROUP. They'll be with you for life.

If you decide to make a choice to leave her, be prepare for the 'I'm going to kill myself' if you leave. That happen with my first wife. She was toxic and I had enough. Women can make you feel 'guilty' to the point where you are 'stuck' in a relationship. I told my ex :" Well, if you do that's on you". Soon after I got divorced and have been very happy. My second wife is a heaven sent and has no 'issues' at all that I find unsolvable. You gotta know when it's time to leave.
BTW my ex-wife is still kicking probably making some other chap miserable.

using drugs for psychiatric purposes is not a road with no end. many people use them to get on an even keel, then they are better position to start dealing with underlying problems. @mrmicrophone this forum is not the place to look for knowlegdable advice. just opinions. and opinions are like assholes, everbody has one. there are lots of websites and help group forums out there on the topic. it may be better to use them instead. you are begining to get advice from people on hobbyhorses on here now.

OP, u could try make an appointment for your partner here: www.dawenchina.com/

They have trained english/chinese speaking counsellors and psychologists who could help her with CBT etc. And also prescribe medication if necessary.

Dont listen to any horror stories about medication for anxiety/depression. But she might just need some therapy for a while anyway if it's just panic attacks.

DaWen are professional and confidential. Im sure they can help.

@Liumingke
Oh, yeah...I got that one when I broke my engagement. My fiancee went around my work place (including to our female VP) and told every woman on my floor that "they're not allowed to talk to me anymore". She told my pregnant secretary that she's "not allowed to sit on the sofa in my office or talk to me directly anymore".

Well - screwed that job...and that career - nice cushy job, window office, slam dunked by the crazy girl.

As for my "horror stories" - these are not horror stories - they are known risks of long-term mental illness treatments. They may not happen - but you should be aware of the risks and watch for warning signs of POTENTIALLY abusive, negligent, fraudulent care.

You are always, your own best friend. In all healthcare - regardless of developed or developing economies - one must always practice "conspicuous consumerism" - know your rights, know the signs of fraud, abuse, negligence. Some are lucky - other's are not - it's a hit or miss industry.

@laotou, was your fiancee Chinese?

Japanese, but living in the USA since middle school. NEVER saw the signs until after we got engaged - then she went clinically insane. That's when I learned very pretty women can be very insecure, as their self-worth is based on their fading looks and NOT their winning personalities.

She is a wonderful, caring young woman - sometimes chemistry can trigger good things - sometimes not good things. Our chemistry was obviously mutually toxic.

Japanese national - but living in the USA since childhood. But I don't think it was race related. The funny thing - she was studying to become a marriage counselor...perhaps those who can't do - make great teachers.

@laotou
it is mind boggling how little you know about modern treatment of mental disorders.

it seems you knowledge comes from movies and bad news stories. or maybe the way things are in the U.S. and i am a little disappointed that you can't see out of the country you are from.

the "other" countries run different and especially in china, things are different...not always good-but not always bad, neither.

the fees for consultation are exactly the same as for any other specialist. 5-20 rmb. and so are the medz.

all drugs and substances are toxic when applied wrongly;salt, chocolate,ginger, coffee, etc.

first palliative treatment is never only given to ease the symptoms. in psychotherapy it always goes along a therapie plan. no shrink ever just gives out medz to make you happy. if so, they are obviously not doing their job right.

but maybe i am wrong, so to the OP
you shouldn't listen to me. all professionals in the field are liars, cheaters and only after your money.

the best way is to completely ignore a diagnosis, prognosis and therapy map, by one ore more doctors. instead, you should lower life quality (unless your partner can't wait be completely restricted on food, life and habits) by reducing or forbid foods that may or may not (mostly probably,may not)even remotely, be the cause of the problem.

and unless you eat completely unhealthy to a level of physical self abuse, may not help at all.

then, change a few habits as taking a walk. "just walk it off" at a certain time of day with a pat on the back and a "just think of something happy" and hope that the self taught or online CBT instructions work. which btw isn't without
controversy.

high drop out rates. and i think it will not be a problem,or feeling of failure, for your partner if the "food struggle" and hours of talking into CBT will fail. and there is nothing more encouraging, towards other therapies, for a person with a mental struggle, than failure of the last try.

so stay away from professional psycho therapist and not even take a diagnosis with you. coz this ingnorance(of the most probable disorder) is bliss.

and the few hundred kuais you saved by not seeing a professional,you could already put into the multi thousand RMB (and incomplete) diet plan.

which of course also means, no chinese medz, unless they are organic- due to excessive use of pesticides and soil pollution.

my apologies for my sarcastic and passive aggressive tone, but it seems to be the only way to be heeded,for at least LISTENING to a REAL professional therapist, who knows what he or she is doing!
I mean, unless he manages to cheat you, addict you, poison you (sounds like american standard procedure-according to some posters),or straight away torture and kill you in the first session,-you could still completely ignore, later on.