Actually, the title of the thread is NEVER marry someone like @KMdragon's wife! That's the purpose of the courtship period - carefully observe and analyze her behavioral anomalies.
I'd say dating - but the goal of dating isn't necessarily marriage - American cultural phenomena popularized by Hollywood - as if that were a good role model to follow.
You are unfortunately the recipient of spousal abuse.
Although not one to offer marital much less relationship advice of any particular value - as these things appear to bother as opposed to endear her to you - suggest you use the mirror approach to reflect her behavior for her consideration - in the event good old honest, sincere, loving face-to-face communication fails to enlighten.
My favorite scenarios:
1. Chronic and Ludicrously Excessive or Microscopically Miniscule Tardiness - jump on your soapbox and and wildly bitch her out for being late without calling or we chatting. Your excuse for your insane behavior - you were worried sick she'd been in some accident, kidnapped by aliens, spontaneous combustion, etc) and if you'd known she was gonna be late - you could have gone to foot massage, had a beer, hard BBQ & played foosball at Moondogs (tomorrow nite), etc ad infinitum.
2. She Throws Things at You. Never learned to play catch? If you miss the object - pick up anything nearby and hurl it back. If she was aiming for you - teach her how to throw more accurately. As a man, you should choose something significantly larger and heavier. That should be a LOT of fun.
3. Spousal Physical Abuse. Well - I'd probably skip this one...but...you might get away with it if you decided to teach her some self defense moves in the event of some event from item 1 above occurred.
Actually - spousal abuse is great - assuming you don't have kids or have significant financial investment into the relationship (like business partners, she has access to your significant assets, etc). It's a great opportunity to revive old habits - bar hopping, getting slammed (drunk), smoking like a chimney EVERYWHERE (including in bed - but that will probably nix hiney), and if you're not getting hiney at home - well that's why adultery aka "open relationships" were invented.
All of the above guaranteed to open her eyes - or spirit you towards the freedom of the next relationship(s).
Difficult to see humor or even how to respond with humor, when your significant other has put you on an emotional roller coaster (emotional abuse), but someone in the relationship needs to be the rock or anchor, but if you don't draw the lines in the sand - life won't improve and you'll both be miserable (unless one or both of you are masochistic, in which case - enjoy!!?!).