Thanks for yours nice responds....
Excuse me with my topic, it is not specific at all, but what in my mind was parents should not get involved in our relationships, lives and works. Lets do not pay attention to who are included in the "westerners and western ciuntries", coz what i read from the answers made me think its not a good idea to only point at the westerners or asians...Prolly it is more individully. I have met British, American, Austrilian, Arabic, Kazakh, Japaneae, Russian, Isareli... What I knew from them was they were not controlled by their parents, their parents always gave them suggestions to be instead of telling them what they need to do, when they got problems or hard to make choices... But most Chinese parents get involved into our choices and even make plans for us, but if we qre not happy with that, they always come out with disappointment... Such as, what kinda boyfriends should you choose, or what job should you take... all coz they think we are young, what they do for us, are to help us to make less mistakes as they have experienced similar cases. We have a type of culture called, "obedience"... That freaks me out a lot. The same, you guys are risen up by parents, but they wont consider much that they have done many things for you, you should respect them and cherish what they have done to you by listening their "practical advices"... I cant bear with it and i know i love my parents very much, and i think everyone is born free to make their own choices... I have been trying to express my feeling to them, still trying very hard, but they just think i have changed too much. I am still doing what I want, but my parents are sad coz of what I am doing. Is it wrong that if i am dare to try and ready to make mistakes?
Before getting too sentimental about the predicament of a few isolated cases (OP included), from what I've witnessed there is a sizeable majority of young people here who are all too happy with their 'predicament': no choice, no worries, no responsibility, no problem. And for some it becomes a life-long habit and they remain in a permanent child-like state: no choice, no worries, no responsibility, no problem.
Chinese children are an investment because they must take care of their parents. Chinese (parents) do not believe that they should take care of themselves when they get older. They believe it is the responsibility of their children to care for them. This is why they are so involved in their lives, schooling, work, and dating/marriage.
The boy must NOT find a greedy wife because that will take away money from his parents. The daughter must find a rich man so he can provide more for her parents. This is why they are always forced to stay near the parents' hometown and never wander off too far away, unless it is for a job that makes more money.
This is why they MUST visit for the mandatory holidays, so they can be Re-Brainwashed of their filial duties. Love or happiness are never a consideration. Its all about the Benjamins (Maos).
Nowadays more and more children are realizing that they rarely receive love or affection from their chinese parents. Since a very early age they are reminded of their duty to care for their parents when they get older. Which leads to another topic - Duty or Love. Most chinese would agree they are raised to perform a duty and rarely feel any love.
"Is it wrong that if i am dare to try and ready to make mistakes?"
it depends. if you're young and your parents don't need you to support them right now, then it's ok.
even if you're older. some people reach a certain age and get tired of their jobs and then decide they want to start a business. so actually, the answer to your question is just try to make money the way you think is most appropriate. you know yourself better than your parents do.
@HFCAMPO: Yes,sounds complicated. Some of our cultures have lost its own teeth, but we are young generation, freedom is included in respect. I would like to show respect and love to my parents. But I rarely interfere into my parents' business, what I have learnt from others are, to feel happy to give my suggetions but not tell them what to do. I somehow still repect my our culture and background, also some inflexible parts are from our society system, the main steam which prolly will never be changed. Ppl interfere into each other's business too much, which I really dont like. I always have duty to my parents as they contribute most of their lives to me which I prolly would never do it equal in return(so I guess sometimes I have to be selfish, otherwise i cant make choices that suit me). I believe, there is not about wrong or right after I had thought about it, its important that what makes me feel comfortable, somehow still sounds very selfish. It's very hard to make my parents believe that I love them the same as they love me. But seriously, its a big mess that parents take our business as their owns. Come to the relationships, most of the parents reckon that we could have a good lives with our parteners, but how we become considerable about our relationships are to think from reality, like money, background, position. I dont understand why how two ppl feel each other beomes less important than the reality? Is it because life gets harder and harder?
@nnoble: yes, right. thats how we get used to... rise up with careless and irresponsibility. Want more but make effort less. thats why make me feel upset, it ruins us a lot. Love SPOILED us. But there are some other ppl like me do not want this kind of lives anymore, we worry about how we are now and gonna do some effort to stop it, prolly not stop, but not keep it growing more...
@Magnifico yes, I think so, I believe I know myself better than they do. the thing is my parents try to help me to avoid making mistakes. But I see what the mistakes do are to help us to grow up and become stronger and also be more responsible.
I don't think Duty or Love is necessarily a black/white alternative. And I think love and affection (or, anyway, expressions of affection) are different. If love were ONLY an emotion I don't think it would amount to much, at least not for long.
I suggest that, in addition to Chinese/'western' comparisons, one might also look at rural/urban, 'traditional'/'modern', etc. The world hasn't stopped changing, and changes those within it, which change it further etc. What was a mistake in the past may not be one today, and vice versa.
I have a son and I do NOT remind him how much he owes me every chance I get. He did not ask me to come into this world and it is my responsibility (From Love) to give him all I can out of love.
To continuously tell him how much I have done for him is very dysfunctional. Chinese do this all the time. They always throw it in the child's face of how much the parents have done and do for their kids. All for the sole purpose of making the child feel that they owe the parents something.
As more young people become more westernized this old system will slowly come to an end.
yeah but a lot of chinese parents are buying apartments for their children and sending their children for exorbitant educations in the US. it works both ways.
野の丫頭, yes it will make you stronger. i was just watching a Ted Talk that said the same thing you did. by the way, the Ted Talk is by someone named Robert Greene. you might find it interesting. He had 50 different jobs until he finally became a best-selling author.
