User profile: Lylian

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Forums > Living in Kunming > Chinese family wants do adopt my son

Thanks jonny9,

Culture difference does not only mean the difference between Chinese culture and western cultrue, but also between two areas, cities, or even two villages. That's why I said "Even for a Chinese couple they have to face and deal with a lot of contradiction between husband's family and wife's family, say nothing of a very open European to a very conservative Chinese farmer family."

Here I give you an example: I have a friend, who is from Guilin, southern part of China, married a woman from Beijing, northern part of China. When they have their kid, problems came out. I remember above someone said in China it's very common that young couples gave their kids to grandparents to take care. It is true. In my friend's hometown, usually wife's parents go to young couple's home to take care of the kid because mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are "natural enemy". However, in his wife's hometown grandchildren should be take care by husband's parents. So, my friend's parents went to Beijing, then the battle started (In China, the southerns and northerns are with quite different habits, customs and traditions).

I am telling this story for showing culture difference is the biggest but not the only problem for intercultural marriage. We should see there are still lots of foreigners married Chinese girls and they are living happy life, at the same time, many Chinese couples or Swedish couples or American get divorced. Therefore, this couple must have their own problems.

Chinese people are much influenced by Buddhism, Confucianism as well as Taoism. And for those people who experienced destitute times and not well-educated they think money is the guarantee. 5000-year history, 30-year Reform and Open, traditions, good or bad, are not easy to be changed.

I didn't mean the Swedish guy should accept everthing in China. There is an order for "When something happened, if you like it, enjoy it; don't like, avoid it; can't avoid, change it; can't change, accept it." Actually, there is another sentence followed it. It's " Change your concept then you can accept everthing". These sentences are much like from Buddhism so we may have different understanding to them. Can we say this is the culture(religion) difference between you and me?

You said "Much of what is normal in China is not acceptable in China." I think it's "Much of what is normal in China is not acceptable by European people, but it's acceptable by Chinese people".

To answer your Q 4): In English,there is a saying "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"; In Chinese, we also have "Ru xiang sui su". That means, if his wife lives in Sweden, sure she should do as the Swedish do.

I am quite agree with your opinion "they are people who can be talked to", so I think the Swedish guy should talk to his wife. Anyway, blame can release your dissatisfaction but cannot solve any problem.

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Forums > Living in Kunming > Chinese family wants do adopt my son

TheSwedishGuy, I feel sorry for you, too.

I am a Chinese girl and have been teaching Chinese as a second language for about two years. From what you said I can tell it's not anyone's fault but because of culture difference. Have you ever heard about in China getting married is to marry a family instead of a person? Even for a Chinese couple they have to face and deal with a lot of contradiction between husband's family and wife's family, say nothing of a very open European to a very conservative Chinese farmer family.

Despite you will not be happy, I should say what your wife's family did are quite acceptable and common in China.

Now the point is: we can't change each other's values in one or two years. What you need to figure out is the relationship between you and your wife. If this issue is possible to solve, then you two should pull together, instead of blaming each other.

I want to share a sentence which I like very much: When something happened, if you like it, enjoy it; don't like, avoid it; can't avoid, change it; can't change, accept it. Maybe you don't like the way Chinese people do, but it seems that you have no better choice right now.

I hope you can calm down and find the best way to solve the problem.
Good luck! ^_^

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Forums > Study > Where can I learn Chinese online?

Hi Aspenator,

I am a full-time Chinese tutor and have been teaching Chinese as a second language online for about two years.

If you are still looking for someone, please feel free to contact me for more information.

Email: zhanglianyu77@hotmail.com
Skype: lylian_mandarinvalley

Regards,
Lylian

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Forums > Study > Best Chinese school to study Business language out of office hours ?

Hi tiger1986,

This price is quite reasonable for an experienced full-time Mandarin tutor. You can click the link as below and go to this website to have a look at the comment for my class was given by my other students as well as the charge of other tutors:

www.language-school-teachers.com/[...]

I understand that students may be worried it's deception so I would offer two-week trial lessons. Moreover, I am teaching in person instead of working for any schools so students don't need pay one semester in advance as in the school. Usually my students would pay one or two weeks in advance at beginning. After 3 months, they would do monthly prepay.

As I said, I work for my self so can't offer student visa. Sorry!

I apologize that I forgot to tell you I am living in Guilin right now so class will be delivered by Skype . Is that ok for you and where is your location?

You can reach me at:
Email: zhanglianyu77@hotmail.com
Skype: lylian_mandarinvalley

Looking forward to talking further with you.

Regards,
Lylian

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Forums > Study > Best Chinese school to study Business language out of office hours ?

-Full-time Chinese tutor, have been teaching Chinese as a second lanuage for more than 800 hours.

-Specialize in teaching BUSINESS or WORK-RELATED CHINESE. The Wall Street Journal has been successfully used as the teaching material.

-Tailored design for Conversational Chinese, make sure what you learned are practical.

-Systematic course. Teaching materials are prepared according to students' requirements and levels as well as interests. For beginners, would recommend a set of text books which is widely used in universities for international students in China.

-Usually your weakness on this course will be found out in 1-2weeks and then the appropriate studying methods will be suggusted. At the same time, I will help you to make a detailed plan to this course.

-During the learning process, regular review classes and tests will be taken to help you know how much progress you've made.

-I believe that a responsible teacher would spend another 2 hrs on preparing the 2hr-class.

-Flexible schedule. Prefer to work Mon.-Fri., can dedicate at most 15hrs for each student per week.

-Charge of the class: USD10/hour for two-week trial lessons; after that, USD15/hour.

-Terms of payment: students can pay by Paypal.

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