Thanks jonny9,
Culture difference does not only mean the difference between Chinese culture and western cultrue, but also between two areas, cities, or even two villages. That's why I said "Even for a Chinese couple they have to face and deal with a lot of contradiction between husband's family and wife's family, say nothing of a very open European to a very conservative Chinese farmer family."
Here I give you an example: I have a friend, who is from Guilin, southern part of China, married a woman from Beijing, northern part of China. When they have their kid, problems came out. I remember above someone said in China it's very common that young couples gave their kids to grandparents to take care. It is true. In my friend's hometown, usually wife's parents go to young couple's home to take care of the kid because mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are "natural enemy". However, in his wife's hometown grandchildren should be take care by husband's parents. So, my friend's parents went to Beijing, then the battle started (In China, the southerns and northerns are with quite different habits, customs and traditions).
I am telling this story for showing culture difference is the biggest but not the only problem for intercultural marriage. We should see there are still lots of foreigners married Chinese girls and they are living happy life, at the same time, many Chinese couples or Swedish couples or American get divorced. Therefore, this couple must have their own problems.
Chinese people are much influenced by Buddhism, Confucianism as well as Taoism. And for those people who experienced destitute times and not well-educated they think money is the guarantee. 5000-year history, 30-year Reform and Open, traditions, good or bad, are not easy to be changed.
I didn't mean the Swedish guy should accept everthing in China. There is an order for "When something happened, if you like it, enjoy it; don't like, avoid it; can't avoid, change it; can't change, accept it." Actually, there is another sentence followed it. It's " Change your concept then you can accept everthing". These sentences are much like from Buddhism so we may have different understanding to them. Can we say this is the culture(religion) difference between you and me?
You said "Much of what is normal in China is not acceptable in China." I think it's "Much of what is normal in China is not acceptable by European people, but it's acceptable by Chinese people".
To answer your Q 4): In English,there is a saying "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"; In Chinese, we also have "Ru xiang sui su". That means, if his wife lives in Sweden, sure she should do as the Swedish do.
I am quite agree with your opinion "they are people who can be talked to", so I think the Swedish guy should talk to his wife. Anyway, blame can release your dissatisfaction but cannot solve any problem.