Forums > Living in Kunming > Is there anyone with a drink problem?
The best thing I ever did in my life, was to go to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. At my very first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous I experienced the feeling of a mill stone being lifted off my shoulders, as I realized what I had been suffering from for the majority of my life. I identified with the physical allergy of the compulsion once I took the first drink, I can only describe it as like a surge of power, I used to say, I've got the 'taste' aaahhh, now let's have more. I believe the alcoholic condition centers in the mind. I didn't think like normal people. When I counted my money, I calculated what was the cheapest drink I could buy, that would have the greatest effect. I don't believe healthy people think like this. Work was just a means to get money for booze and drugs. I can now see that alcohol was my medicine, I drank because of the effect it produced, it gave me wings, to coin a current, but very apt, advertising slogan that describes the feelings of release. I felt free from the underlying fear, cowardice and the multitude of negative feelings I had about myself, though I wasn't aware of at the time. Once I took that first drink, I had no control of the consequences of where it was going to take me. I used to blame all my bad behavior on the fact that I was drunk. I can tell you now, I have done practically all he same things in sobriety.
When I first joined AA, I thought it was just about stopping drinking. I now know that to an erroneous belief. The program and members of Alcoholics Anonymous have shown me that I can live a fulfilled, meaningful and purposeful life, without the need to take a drink or drug. AA is a spiritual kindergarten. Stopping drinking was just the first step in my lifelong journey of self- discovery, that I practice a day at a time. Before AA, I hadn't a clue who I was, I just made myself up as I went along, usually to please you I have found that AA doesn't professes to be the fix for all alcoholics, it actually recommends that we seek medical, psychological or other forms of experts to aid your healing from alcoholism, we are not doctors. I have been to many different facilities and organizations to help me in my recovery. I've attended anger workshops, relationship counselors, assertive courses, sexual addiction and codependency organizations, and numerous other recovery agencies to deal with alcoholism and to enhance my spiritual growth.
I have not found recovery easy, sometimes it's been painful, fearful and difficult. I'm not perfect, and never will be, neither are the members of AA perfect, otherwise we wouldn't be there, but I'm a lot further down the road of recovery that I was when I landed at the rooms of AA. My own experience is that I feel I have had two lives, one before AA and the one I'm having now. I sincerely mean it, when I tell you, I have a life beyond my wildest dreams, in fact before, I had no dreams, only perverse fantasies. Alcoholics Anonymous is a bridge to normal living for me. I have a great deal of gratitude for AA and the people who showed me that there was a better way to live. They gave me their time, their unconditional love and their experience and were living examples of what could be achieved by living the 12 steps of recovery.
There are many different kinds of AA meetings, some are healthier than others, remember you have to be nuts to qualify for AA. I don't live in AA meeting, and for me, they don't keep me sober, but they do keep me in check, when my ego and thinking goes a wry. They are a place where I can give the same unconditional love that was offered to me when I needed and wanted it. This is the least I can do to repay the millions of other recovered alcoholics that have found a new way of living through the rooms of AA. It works by one alcoholic talking to another and giving away what was so freely given to them. I'd like to repeat that AA is for Alcoholics that want it, not Alcoholics that need it.
This will be my final post on the forum. I'm finding it sad to see the anti AA message, that has certainly not been my experience, been posted against a fellowship that only tries to be of service and make lives of suffering alcoholics and their families better. I also feel a little vulnerable too as I was responsible for starting the thread and being the only member of AA in Kunming. I would like to thank the many positive contributions and insights from the non-alcoholic community of Kunming for the support they have given. Finally, if there is anyone, or you anyone that, has a problem with drinking, I'm here if you want to do something positive about it, cheers Bill