Forums > Living in Kunming > Is there anyone with a drink problem? Hi folks, this is the first time I've ever interacted in a forum on line. An interesting experience to say the least. . I take OP stands for 'original poster' me in this case. My purpose was to see if I could be of any help to anyone with a drink problem, but the original sentiment has been distorted into the validity of AA. I got sober and remain sober through the fellowship if AA. I class myself a grateful member of AA, but I do not speak for AA as a whole, I'm simply an individual trying to be of service to anyone in need of assistance. To ABCD, you asked me a simple question, On average, how many years does a person attend AA meetings? Follow numerous other questions, so its self evident that there is no simple answer to your question. However, in the spirit of honesty and open-mindedness I would love to buy you a cup of coffee and share my first hand experiences ( good and bad) of AA with you. If you genuinely and sincerely want to know the truth about AA from a firsthand source, I would love to take time to talk with you. There's a lovely quote in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous by Herbert Spencer that helped me in my recovery, "There is a principle that will keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation." Investigation does not simple mean looking at the negative element of any one thing. As I learnt in AA, if I focus on the problem, the problem gets bigger, if I focus on the solution, then solution with get bigger. In the "Chapter to the Agnostics" another quote that helped me was" I couldn't see the beauty of the forest, because the ugliness of one of the trees" Please take into consideration the positive effect of AA. My phone number is on the original message. Please feel free to call or text, I will willing give an honest account of what I have found I can also give you a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous to read. . Then you can report what you find in your own words and not just here say. If there is anyone who has a problem with their drinking, I'm here to be of help, if I can. Cheers Bill
Forums > Living in Kunming > Is there anyone with a drink problem? Hi Folks thanks for your contributions to this thread. A special thank you to ABCD for playing devil's advocate, as you have no firsthand experience of AA or what being an alcoholic entails, that's all you can be. As the old saying goes 'You shouldn't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes." This gives me an opportunity to share my experience of getting sober and making my life better with the help of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. The first thing I have come to believe is that AA is for alcoholics that want it, not for alcoholics that need it. If you don't want to stop drinking, carry on. I didn't arrive at the doors of AA because my life was great, I went to AA because I didn't want to die. There's a world of difference between being sober recovered alcoholic and just not drinking. A dry drunk is an alcoholic who just stops drinking, their thinking or behavior remains the same. I've learnt that drinking is only a symptom of alcoholism, I needed to get down to the causes and conditions of what I was suffer from. If you are not nuts, you don't belong in AA. Some alcoholics are forced to attend AA by the courts, their employees or spouse's, but they don't want to stop drinking, so I can see the alcoholic character in the need to decry AA to justify the continuation of drinking, as I said you have to be nuts to qualify for AA. I have not been forced or threaten or coerced to doing anything in AA that I didn't want to, I did it because I wanted to live a happy sober existence. Love and tolerance of others, is the code AA's try to live by.
When a newcomer says AA is brainwashing me, the humorous reply you might hear is, "yeah that's because your brain needs washing." If you consider this to be brainwashing, making a disgustingly dangerously anti -social alcoholic becoming a useful and respectful member of society, well that's up to you. I'm more inclined to think of brainwashing as someone hijacks a plane and smashes it into a skyscraper, or someone killing and maiming innocent people as brainwashing.
When I think back of what I was like as a practicing alcoholic and the things I used to get up to, pissing myself in public, pissing in friends bed, as well as my own; throwing up over a secretary at work, throwing up in the park on a summer days, being banned from bars, social occasions or attending parties with my wife because of my unacceptable and disgusting behaviour; Stealing money, booze or wives from friends and strangers alike, it didn't matter. Being sacked for drink related issues; waking up after a blackout full of fear' dread and humiliation of what I might of done or injury I had caused: running away from jobs, relationships and towns because of my fear, remorse and guilt, - now what about AA taking away an alcoholics respect?
Cheers Bill
Forums > Living in Kunming > Is there anyone with a drink problem? Good afternoon boys, nice to see my topic has stirred some lively debating:) though not always about drinking. Its seems AA has attracted some detractors, and is open to criticism. Also mentioned in the preamble is - it does not wish to engage in any controversy : neither endorses or opposes any causes. I will endevour to do that here. I will only share my experience with you. When I came to AA, I was 35, married to a woman I didn't love, working a job with no prospects. My dream in life was to die from a fatal heart attack, when I was about 55, drinking a bottle of Brandy, smoking a joint and having sex. Not much of an ambition ah!! Trouble was at 35, I wanted to die 20 years premature of my dream. Instead, I went to AA and discovered my was an alcoholic and embarked on the 12 steps of recovery. One old guy at the meeting said, " ah son, you can leave here tonight and never need to drink again" I have found this to be true I my case. This year I will be 55, I have no desire to pop my clogs for a good few years yet. Since getting sober, my now ex wife and I have parted on extremely friendly terms, I was able to give her everything. I was able to look after one of her children for 3 years. I went to University at the age of 40 and obtained a degree, I trained to become a teacher, learnt to drive, and I'm in the process of opening my own business here in Kunming. I also have a considerable amount of inner peace than I ever experienced before. To me, and me only, this is beyond my wildest dreams. I have also realized that I give my own meaning to life and words. The word insanity has several meaning for me. I like to define it as - doing the same action and expecting a different results. My thinking, with regards to drinking was not that of a sane mind. About 17 years ago now, I was standing outside in a storm smoking a cigarette, getting cold and wet, as I wasn't allowed to smoke in the building. I thought to myself, this is insane. This little substance rules my life so much, that I will do this to appease it. Also there is not one benefit from smoking, but there I was poisoning my body with it. For me, I think insanity was a suitable definition for my actions. I got sober and maintain my sobriety by having fellowship with other like minded recovered alcoholic. AA does not hold the monopoly on getting drunks sober, whatever means is successful for an alcoholic to get sober that's fantastic. By helping another alcoholic get sober I increases my chances of living a sober, happy meaningful life. Now that's more of a worthwhile ambition. Catch you soon, cheers Bill.
Forums > Living in Kunming > Is there anyone with a drink problem? Hi abcdabcd, thanks for your question. The 12 step program is about having a spiritual awakening in order to help you overcome whatever problem you have. It's about you finding a power greater than yourself. The steps use the word God, yes, but it's your own conception of God, - as you understand him. It can be a light bulb if you like, just as long as it makes sense to you. You don't have to believe in anything, but in my experience the people that work the steps are generally happier, than those that don't. The steps were written around 1938, so the language is a little antiquated. The AA fellowship was influenced by the Oxford group, which was a first century Christian movement. The preamble states AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help others to recover from alcoholism. You don't have to believe or do anything to be a member, just have the desire to stop drinking. So no, AA is not a Christian organization.
Forums > Living in Kunming > Is there anyone with a drink problem? Hi MM, thanks for your reply. I believe there is a big different between heavy drinkers and alcoholics, a general rule of thumb is to ask yourself the question – is my drinking costing me more than money? My own experience is that I had no control over my drinking, once I took the first one, it was like Russia roulette, I never knew where I was going to end up or what I was going to do, a lot of my drinking and partying was done in black out. Most alkies had lost the enjoyment long before they got to the rooms of AA. It has an affection nickname as "the last chance saloon'. So, if you are not sure if you have a problem, maybe you can ask yourself, if you have control over your drinking or does drinking have control over you? Cheers for now, Bill
