My boyfriend is an Asian guy, not Chinese though, but we met in China. Because of cultural differences and language barrier we misunderstood each other plenty of times, but I think it makes a relationship even more interesting. Message me if you want to talk about dating Asian guys :)

A fascinating read this thread, quite refreshing from the argumentative macho pseudo intellectual penis measuring that usually goes on here (see the BK thread).

More girls need to speak up! It sounds like dating Chinese guys is like dating Chinese girls!

Maybe a guy who is gay could post their experience? That would also be fascinating!

I have dated a Chinese guy here, didn't last long mostly due to language barrier (than cultural differences).
My ex-boyfriend used to date only Chinese girls and get tired of them (little princess complex) and wanted to date western girls because he heard they were more laid-back, open minded and less interested in money (as per him).
So basically, even if he was more serious than any other boyfriend I had before (giving me a hard time for not spending Spring festival with his family, or wanting me to meet his sister two weeks after our first date) he was quite aware than western girls were not the same than Chinese girls and that it couldn't be too serious too quickly.
He was looking for a different way of dating, more western-style than Chinese style.

I guess you have to explain to your bf than he cannot expect the same things with you than with a Chinese girl. If he wants to date Chinese-style (talking about wedding after a week) than he has to date a Chinese.

He probably wants another kind of experience with you since he already made the big step of going out with a foreigner, just help him kindly to understand the cultural differences and what is ok or not with western girls.

Oh and for the text messages, my Chinese ex was texting me few times a day, like any of my ex (from different nationalities, including western guys) no more, no less.
The only really notable difference was that he was paying for everything ALWAYS. Don't try to go against that since it's a "face" matter and one of a few thing he will not accept to change. You have to do some compromises on your side too (but who will complain about that ? lol !)

Best to understand the environment and history in which your "date" was raised, regardless of gender. Should make for interesting conversational fodder, depending on how well you both communicate and the level of honesty you mutually wish to achieve.

Chinese in general - regardless of gender - don't seriously date until well into college. As such, they tend to be more naive to western style dating and more socially "retarded" (naive) when it comes to intimate relationships. Think "puppy love" or immaturity. Prolific texting, calls, gifting, etc followed by potentially harmless modest stalker behavior after a breakup.

Dating has been and always will be a US/Hollywood export (since they sensationalized it first!). The American intent of dating is "to get to know someone" with the potential goal of intimacy, followed up with the potential goal of long-term relationships...after we've "lived together for a while, to try it out".

Chinese (in general) are far more serious about personal relationships and tend to focus on long-term personal relationships, close friends and lovers - as such "dating" is normally a prelude to marriage - it's a courtship - meet the folks - although there's a rather vast and prolific array of random thoughts zinging through their young minds as to what exactly constitutes good material for a life-long partner. This is somewhat exacerbated in China via the one-child policy - those one child's (?) may have a tendency towards selfishness (so look for those signs) in both their thought processes and their behaviors.

However, don't be fooled - most Chinese are quite adept at managing and discerning relationships - although their handling of relationships may sometimes be inept.

Discussions about marriage, meeting family, etc are all used to determine and gauge your level of commitment to a relationship - your openness to something deeper.

Hesitation may be construed as either caution or more likely, in the case of foreigners - you're just here for fun, for the "experience" - and in a year or two - poof...you're gone and they just invested a year or two into a potentially meaningless relationship, but they got the experience of dating a foreigner...ooooooooo.

On the other hand - it's also possible you're both approaching the same goal (marriage) from opposite spectrums. Men (regardless of nationality) can be blithering idiots in the art of subtlety - so they bluntly announce their intentions up front (ostensibly scaring off the window shoppers) - the brave hero concept.

Women on the other hand (regardless of nationality), tend to be more subtle in their approaches to relationships - they move more cautiously, testing and probing for danger, risk, and warning signs.

And then we have the other reasons for dating - for fun, for the mind-expanding life-enriching experience. All the trappings of a long-term or intimate relationship minus the commitment.

Many (scholars, historians, etc) bemoan the lack of culture in China today - but one behavioral trait has always been prevalent in Chinese society - relationships and relationship management - I would venture that guanxi is the iconic paragon of Chinese culture.

Yes, this is all wonderful food for thought. Where do I even start.

He is in his late twenties, and I am in my early twenties, so it sort of seems like it is getting on to that time for him to get married.That was where this whole thing started from, I think, was from his age. If we were the same age, I would just be like, okay whatever, guy; but he's older so, you know I just got to thinking.

He doesn't text or call me too terribly much, I've definitely had worse. I think he understands the whole deal that I am a foreigner, and the differences that come with that. I don't think he's been around many foreigners though, I think it might be that he is just a really low-key guy, which is cool.

There has been kind of an unreasonable amount of togetherness since we met though, that is the one thing that is a little much. My whole I'm-a-young-independent-white-american-woman-in-china vibe is getting squashed a little bit, lol.

But I think the main thing is like, communication. Lautou I think you are right that this subject could be really interesting to explore with a romantic partner...that is if I could settle down long enough to quit giggling and have a serious conversation...! I'm just gonna have to think this whole thing over for a while.

I agree with you, laotou, although I'd modify it slightly as I think there's been a move from the attitude you describe ('goal is marriage or nothing') towards a less-serious, freer and somewhat more 'fun' attitude over the past decades, at least among many of the urban university generation. And I think the pace of this is picking up - but again, fundamentally I agree.

As foreign guests in China, those of us with Chinese significant others, must play by their dating rules, and not try to change them to fit ours.

@Rachelc
Shorter opinion - regardless of long-term, short-term, or take life as it comes term approaches - I'd recommend you go ahead and discuss things openly - although this MAY give him the wrong idea - but you can discuss that openly too!