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Pandas Suck

colinflahive (167 posts) • 0

What I originally wanted to do was complain about the American government and their denial of my girlfriend's tourist visa last week in Chengdu. But instead, I found myself angrier at the very existence of panda bears.

Perhaps back in the day, pandas were somehow kings of their domain. But now they survive only by the thread of synthesized existence. They are an evolutionary dead end. Without humans to feed them, their habitat is so demolished that they wouldn't survive a week in the wild. They are too needy and would rather starve to death than eat anything other than their favorite type of bamboo shoot. And they need to eat 20 kilos of that a day just to survive.

They are incredibly lazy and these days won't even have sex without a little panda porn to get them excited. I'm not making this up. Google it. Once an animal must rely upon porn or meds to appreciate sex, any follower of Darwin would say it's time for them to be on their way. And if you're not a fan of Darwin, even the divinely mandated existence of pandas holds a weak argument for spending billions per year to keep 1200 of these animals alive and procreating. Every time you see a panda in a zoo in the west, it's likely that the zoo is renting the animal from China for between $1 and $2 million per year plus half a million to feed it.

Can't that money go to something worth saving like rivers and oceans? Why not Plankton? Plankton is also becoming threatened and actually has a purpose on the planet. But a cute little plankton face might not make for such a nice fundraising poster.

Sometimes the giants need to fall to make way for the little guys. The little guys can exist without the giants, but the giants can't exist without the little guys.

Pandas suck

Tonyaod (824 posts) • 0

Hey Colin,

Did your account get hacked is that really you? I've never seen so agitated before, not even the bomb incident have I seen you in such a state.

Hope everything's well.

And regarding the visa thing, even if it's your wife that you are trying to get a visa for, they still put you through the same wringer and there is no guarantee that she'll get approved. Frustrating, yes. But that's how that goes.


mike4g_air (788 posts) • 0

Hi Colin,
Does a panda need a US visitors visa?
Does a panda need a US visitors visa to transfer a flight in a US airport to Canada!!! The panda doesnt even leave the airport to transfer the flight!!
Georges legacy ...... what a paranoid mess..

What's the homeland security colour alert lately??..oh, most have forgoten about the colour alert since the media is focused on other hype.... the recovering economy.....yeah right!!!

HenryBenjy (12 posts) • 0

The plankton problem is much harder to fix than just throwing money to the care and feeding of pandas. Nobody knows what the fuck is going on when it comes to recent ecological disasters such as the plankton dive, pollen issues, and bee colony collapse. The little guys essential to the ecosystem are going down fast and hard. The only thing we could do to save them (and be very sure that it would be the best thing to do) would be halt the progress of industrial civilization.

Naturally, nobody's going to do that. So the solution is much harder. Plus, pandas are so fucking cute. Everybody loves them. Everybody but you.

Shit man, was that satire?

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