Why not try to make some Chinese friends and ask them to help you in life? At least people here are friendly and most of them would like help you.

gosh, this post is a successful troll one! well done!

I'd love to say that you are cute.:)

seriously,,,gaoxing,shut the f up and f off if u hate that city so f much,gee !are u really that dumb cannot even take care of ur daily life???except complain???the people here not ur papa or mama(i wonder:maybe u need diaper assp),,cannnot speak chinese,if u smart enough u dont even need a teacher. i know this post is a successful troll one,but after my friends all LOL for hours,all i wanna say is u cannot count on anyone except urself.
good luck kido!~

oh by the way,happy to find so many people have good sense of humor

This thread seems like a total joke!

Why don't u cook ur self.

I hope my old buddy 高兴 has found happiness finally wherever he may be. I hope he has finally gained some weight. Many people cannot understand his dilemma, but I can. If, for example, the last place you lived was Seattle, as I did, before coming to China and eventually KM you may think "hey, shut up unhappy dude and go back to Seattle! If you ain't happy here, then go, go, go back and and drink your Hatoraide there!" But life is not so simple. In Seattle it rains all the time, Microsoft and Boeing moved all their jobs to China and India and people actually vote for losers like Dennis Kucinich and Howard Dean and feel proud of it. How can I live in a world like that I ask you? If you like Captain Kirk their or say Killer Whale instead of Orca, or black man instead of African American (even if the black man is a British citizen) you will soon feel that isolated, ostracized sensation. That Seattle sensation. Better to be a foreigner in a foreign land than in your own, eh Gaoxing? I know the feeling. (Do miss being able to drink tap water though without getting cholera.)

But since my last post here, where I was needlessly bitter, I have learned how to adapt more. I am no longer bitter. I have learned to immerse myself in other cultures, including the Kunming one. How to get "immersed" into a local culture you ask? To enjoy life and stop whining about the lack of Twinkies and batteries that actually work? How to live day day without something decent to read other than a travel guide to Borneo? Here are some ways for people like Gaoxing, and yes myself, to stop whining and start winning, and to get on with a better and happier life in our new homes, whether that new is New York City, Kunming or Devil's Island:

1) Play that little game where you stand around and kick that little piece of metal with brightly colored features on it. Kinda' like hacky sack, but this is much better, because you just keep playing this game even when it is crowded and people are walking all around you. And if you kick real hard and hit someone in the face, which is what what happened to my wife a while back, all you have to do is pick the metal toy and say "buhaoyisi" and run back to your little group and giggle about it with your mates and keep playing. But if you're a foreigner and you're going to play this with the locals, I think first you have to grow real long dreadlocks and keep them dirty and wear funny looking baggy pants that stay up with a string. Not sure. Think you have to get a good "weed" connection too and puff out on some local herbs and talk about how evil the American government is. But you might be able to play without meeting those stringent requirements if you're like me and show you are ready to get immersed. How can they say no!

2) Learn to get shit faced with the locals and other alcoholic foreigners who can't control their cravings for cheap booze. Since China is basically a culture of alcoholics you will have little problems finding new friends in this department. If you need a foreign drinking buddy to ramble on in English with you can go to Salvadores and with a little work you will work yourself down to the coveted outside seats. Once there you can get really blasted and start acting loud and rude and you can even start hitting on every Chinese girl that walks by. You may even get into some fights with Chinese guys half your size and get arrested and thrown in jail for awhile. This seems to be one way of getting immersed into the local nightlife scene, though not the only.

3) If you're Chinese is bad there are many Mandarin schools with barely qualified teachers who will laugh at your mistakes and never give you homework or show up prepared. The school will be sure to let you know up front that they will charge you more than you will pay for better lessons in Beijing and if you don't like their prices you can just go back to Beijing or go to hell. Some schools actually offer a super cheap single course on how to buy a plane ticket out of here, or you can hire one of their teachers as a fanyi (translator) and she will do it for you and laugh at your Chinese while you are waiting at the airport. And if you do stick with the course you will soon realize how useless your Mandarin is here because nobody speaks it, they all speak some hillbilly gobbeldygook that other Chinese people can't even understand and they like to speak it at the speed of light and still laugh at your bad "tones". You are one step closer to be an integral part of the Springtime City community.

4) As far as immersing yourself in the local cuisine goes I refer you to my other insightful posts on that topic in another threads, but I have learned a simple technique on how to deal with this problem. To be more and more immersed in the local food culture you need to develop things to do while you are constantly evacuating your bowels. While sitting (hopefully) on your toilet and reeling from exhaustion and dehydration from your last viral induced diarrhea episode look it as a time to get those tones down better. You can write Mandarin phrases on the tile wall in front of your toilet and practice them when you are not gritting your teeth in pain. So the bad food and after-effects can become your friend. Your learning partner so to say. Also you will have lots of fun meeting locals and practicing your Mandarin as you try to find any sort of effective medication for your la duzi. If you go to a doctor you can enjoy the experience of having an intravenous solution of what is probably just saline rammed into your hand by a 16 year "nurse" who moonlights selling doufu on the street. You will soon find yourself feeling like a local.

5) And as some socially savvy people have suggested, you can take up sports. Not a sports guy myself, but many of my pals here in Kunming have learned to hook up with other sportsy foreigners and locals to play some soccer (oops... football) and b-ball (that would be basketball). One buddy of mine from Britain told me of his immediate immersion into local culture when, during a soccer match with some locals, he knocked a guy down accidentally and, in true local fashion, the guy lost face and got on his cell phone and called a bunch of guys to come over and beat the hell out of him. He left before all the real local fun began, but after that I think he truly felt one with KM.

6) Learn to philosophize with the locals and other foreigners. One problem, Gaoxing, that guys like you and I have is that we are not very deep people. We do not think in complicated and finely tuned ways like many people in KM do. To be, honest we are dumb asses. And we can fix that by listening to others. People who are deep thinkers. For example, some really sage advice I just saw in this thread is "... but after my friends all LOL for hours,all i wanna say is u cannot count on anyone except urself." We both need to get out of our own heads and learn from profound thinkers like this one. In fact, I need to go and ruminate on the myriad of philosophical messages in that statement. "u cannot count on anyone except urself." True, so true.

Well that is all I have for the moment and I hope I have helped at least one other poor soul like myself or Gaoxing. I know the next time I see those cool guys all reeking of pot up by that "hip" bookstore by Paul's on wen hua xiang kicking that metal-feather toy around while old people and kids walk within feet of them, I am going to get in on that local action and maybe I can kick it into some lady's face too and laugh about it, and then really feel immersed into the local culture and scene. Yes, there is so much to be experienced here. I did it, and YOU CAN TOO!

Hahahahahaha! Bravo! Encore!

The rage! The sarcasm! The scathing attitude to all that is Kunming! Even the foreigners that come here are subjected to the rage!

Its just so entertaining! More, more, more! Though you may need some more material.

Subjects I believe not yet covered by BillDan:
People saying "Hello!" to you after you have passed them. If you acknowledge them, they giggle hysterically. People (especially old people) saying "Wai guo ren!" or "Lao wai!" or something similar when they see you. I consider the above two cute but I would love to hear your opinion on them BillDan.
Please, oh please, tell us about your cat and the "veterinarian" you went to. That will be awesome.
You have talked about the food in all of Kunming being terrible, but nothing about the service. I mean come on, any self respecting rage filled cynic MUST be able to create at least 1 tirade on the service!

Anyone think of anything else BillDan can rage at?