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Foreign children born in China and visas

Dazzer (2813 posts) • -3
Comment hidden by user downvote Click to expand

victim blaming, crass act. kicking someone when they are down, cowardly. picking on someone vulnerable, act of a bully. throw him a fish, clickclickclickclickclick

Liumingke1234 (3297 posts) • -2

@Dolphin
That a fair question especially if you are in a foreign country that doesn't provide any social services to foreigners much less its citizen(so little).

@Dazzer

No one is kicking anyone while they are down. It's a question I too asked myself but didn't post. The children are already here. The situation is what it is. @Dolphin wasn't bullying anyone. Stop being so PC.
The one important factor is that her husband died which I'm sure was a great contributing factor in her decision to finally go back. When her husband was alive, I'm sure that things were okay enough. There was a support system. In hind sight having that many children, they should have had life insurance (don't know if they did or not). It's all should've,could've,would've which does nothing for the current state of affairs. These are lessons in life. If I could do things differently, I wouldn't have come to mainland China. Maybe Hong Kong, Taiwan. But as I said, should've, could've, would've is spill milk. Nothing you can do. I have faith that everything will work out.

JanJal (1243 posts) • +3

It is a pontless question really, and here is why:

No matter whether you make one, none, or twelve kids, or how fat your wallet is, things may happen which may make you or the whole society unable to care for them - or yourself.

Spouses may die, you may lose all limbs in road accident, you may lose your job, stocks may crash, wars may break.

Things happen, and people have to cope with that.

Here we have a family who has raised 6 children (probably) so far so good, and are coping over what constitutes major emergency for them. They are survivors.

I repeat my earlier comment, to think what such major emergency would be on your own part. Maybe losing a spouse wouldn't be a big thing for you - how about a plane crash, terror attack, or getting run over by

a truck?

I don't know what the long term plan of this particular family was, but between the lines it is easy to pick that they were not eager to go back, ever. Could be for various reasons.

So they stayed in China and had a bunch of children. Given the recent changes in family planning policies in China, and how that seems to be too little, too late, and failing completely, I think that Chinese government will eventually be in position to to give families like this a medal - even if foreigners.

For some imaginary person who'd be critical of everything about China, doing something like this would be much more valuable than commenting about it anonymously on internet.

These kids have experienced China, and will grow with that experience - linguistically and otherwise.

Lot of people on this forum are paying to achieve what they already have as teenagers and preteens.

goldie122 (645 posts) • 0

It is ok... maybe others were wondering the same thing.

I have often questioned people in my mind when on gofundme for example, people ask for money for funerals or whatever...

why weren't they prepared?

When he was alive, we were making more than 50000¥ per month for a while, his job was a new one but still... it was more than enough for us.

On top of that we had no debt, and had medical insurance.

Probably should have saved a bit more but we had some savings... maybe you would be surprised how much money I have had to spend in the last few months due to his death...

He was transported to the hospital by ambulance $.

The funeral, storage and cremation costs were extremely high $, the autopsy and toxicology $.

Several trips back and forth to Hong Kong dealing with this and meeting with police $.

The recent passports and reports of birth just recently cost more than 5000¥.

Should we have had life insurance?

Absolutely!

You know, we were married but sometimes marriages are not good.

Ours was good at first as most are.

At least in the last few years he had become VERY controlling, he changed a lot.

Hence, the reason the kids didn't have passports.

He knew I wanted to leave him, but not without my children.

I found out a lot about him, what I call his 'secret life' after getting his phone back after his death.

'Business trips' all over China and other countries in Asia... were actually trips to meet women... he spent a lot of my money.

I say my money because he didn't always work.

This had been going on for years behind my back.

His phone was only 2 years old so I don't even know how long before that.

We were legally together and physically together but essentially living separate lives.

In fact the way he died, life insurance may not have paid out anyway.

I guess it doesn't matter though... we could probably all be more prepared in some way... but sometimes the unexpected happens.

To be honest, I love all of my children so much and I wouldnt change a thing about having them all... but I was ok after having three... I mean three was enough in my eyes.

But when your husband is the type of man mine was, you don't often have real choices.

Although I wasn't physically being held against my will; I went to work, shopping, whatever... I was essentially trapped and living in a country where I had no other family and few friends.

So normal things like life insurance was something we didn't talk about because we weren't normal... he wasn't normal anymore.

I don't even know how to explain it but he was very narcissistic.

I am grateful that I did have some savings but yes, I should have been more prepared... more responsible especially since children are affected.

You live and learn and I know that things could be much worse than they are for us.

We will get through this and thrive... eventually.

Liumingke1234 (3297 posts) • 0

Now that I have the whole story(basically). NO YOU COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE PREPARE. I'm amaze you survived your situation in a foreign land. Abusive partners first isolate your friends and family. That is how they control you. Putting fear in you and your children is another tactic they use. I thought he was a supportive 'husband/partner'. That makes ALL the difference. I've known many women like you, in your previous situation. There are many

shows and movies when women that were in your situation and the result usually turns out very bad. It time to start anew. Learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them. That is all you can do. Glad to hear that your children give you strength to carry on. Things will work out. At least in the States you can get social services assistance. Good Luck!

dolphin (509 posts) • 0

goldie,
sorry if my comment seemed harsh. i posted hastily on the go ... sometimes i'm in a crappy mood when i post (which is often).

but fact is, lots of people don't have 6 kids for financial reasons ...

but there are pros and cons to everything ...

i'm sure there are silver linings in this story ... as you already mentioned, your kids give you a lot ...

your husband was unfaithful ... it's hard to find a faithful man ...

i'm sure you'll bounce back. lotsa luck!

goldie122 (645 posts) • +2

No need to apologize, it was a fair question.

I didn't take it as harsh and in some ways I agree with you.

Haali (1178 posts) • 0

Sounds incredibly traumatic for both you and your children Goldie. Silver lining of all this misfortune is a new start once you get back to the states. Wish you good luck in the future.

goldie122 (645 posts) • 0

Thanks Haali, we are doing well... minus my nervousness about the visas or lack thereof.

It will be a nice new start in the states.

We are lucky... our situation could be much worse.

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